Let me introduce myself, My name is Victor. I am an ambitious, career driven guy who enjoys championing for the rights of the less fortunate and advocating for social justice. When I am not “saving the world”, I enjoy working out, being out in nature, swimming and running.

Let me explain….

I remember hearing this phrase a while back, “Some things are taught and others are caught.” This statement rings true for me when I think about the idea of masculinity that I grew up with. I can recall a few times where I was told what a man should or should not be. However, my view of masculinity largely came from observing how other men lived and trying to be like them. That is what I mean when I say I ‘caught’ my idea of masculinity.

As kids, it was more common and dare I say ‘acceptable’ for a boy to be outside rolling in the dirt with his friends or playing video games (cue the saying, ‘Boys will be boys’.) I, for one, enjoyed riding my bike and playing outside with my friends (I have scars all over my legs to prove how much fun I had😂). However, I also loved cooking, reading and even just staying at home doing nothing, just chillin’. At times, I would trade being out with friends over a good Saturday nap.

When I joined high school though, it was clear that there were more masculine and less masculine talents, gifts hobbies, personalities and even careers. It was more manly to like playing or watching soccer and basketball, fixing broken stuff, being an extrovert who was funny and attracted all the ladies or wanting to pursue a career in Science, Technology, Engineering or Math (STEM). For some people, punching someone or a wall when you got angry was more masculine than crying or journaling your feelings. To some, forgiveness was less masculine than revenge. Aggression was viewed as a display of courage.

This view of masculinity has been propagated in society and has become the standard we have learnt to accept. It’s what we see in movies, talk about in mancaves and barbershops and for some people, it is the picture that was modeled in their homes. Being a man was mainly being the provider. Presents over presence was the norm. It was understandable if a man missed important milestones of their children because they were busy working.

For some reason, we have placed masculinity on a scale and depending on what you do or say you can easily move from 0% masculine to 100% masculine. Be careful if you decide to spend your Saturday afternoon braiding your daughter’s hair because according to society, you are at risk of decreasing your masculinity. But don’t worry, when you decide to fix your wife’s punctured tyre, your masculinity will automatically increase. How crazy is that?

If you know me then you know that I looove to cook. But in high school, I was known as the person who didn’t know how to cook. Why? Because I fell into this idea of masculinity and constantly bragged to my friends that all I knew was to boil an egg. I believed that my friends would think of me as less of a man if they found out I am an awesome cook (humble brag!) This is the case for most men. There are hobbies that you are proud of and talk about with your male friends for example Watching Formula 1 races and others like listening to love songs that you’d rather keep to yourself. Lest they change how they view you.

When I look at the Bible however, this is not at all what God intended to be the standard of masculinity. Biblical manhood is characterised by the fear of God, servanthood, Godly character, repentance, humility, obedience to God, living in purpose, Godly leadership and many more. Look at examples of some great men in the Bible:

Jesus – the perfect man himself who did great things like calming the storm and also great things like washing his disciples feet.

David – a man after God’s own heart who had a great career as a King and was also a great writer who poured out his raw emotions to God.

Solomon – known for being so dedicated in building God’s temple and also known for being a wise hopeless romantic poet. Both great accomplishments.

These are just a few great men in the Bible who show us that masculinity in God’s eyes is not about the things we do but rather who we are. That Jesus was not more masculine when He stood against the devil in the wilderness or less masculine when he wept in John 11:35. He was a man in both scenarios. A great man for that matter.

Masculinity in the world’s eyes is always shifting. The greatest show of masculinity today might be so different to what will be in the next 5 years. When I was growing up, men being in the kitchen was a No No. Now, it’s in every ladies list of qualities to look for in a husband (Hey Future wife😉).

I recently read an article by Finn Boulding, an architect who decided to be a stay at home husband. It was a decision that he made with his wife and it works best for them. His wife goes to work while he cooks, cleans and runs the errands of the home. I know someone just read that and cringed. For most of us, the societal idea of masculinity has been entrenched in our minds that it is easier to view such a situation as weird or abnormal rather than confronting our own bias. We readily accept men who become homemakers out of necessity rather than choice. A widower who is raising his daughter alone would be given much applause than a man who intentionally chose to stay home and do the same.

Remember my introduction? Now allow me to re- introduce myself. My name is Victor, a guy who enjoys being a homemaker. I love cooking, baking, interior design, laundry, cleaning around the house and I can at least tolerate washing dishes😂. When I am not out and about, you will find me reading a book, writing in my journal or my newly acquired hobby of coloring in my color by numbers books.

Right now at my big age of 25, I have come to realise that: whether I am at work hosting meetings and making career moves or making a hearty meal for my family, whether I am doing intense workouts and building muscle or folding clothes at home, whether I am attempting to build IKEA furniture (I am the worst at this😂) or playing with my niece. My masculinity is not defined by any of these things.

All I want to be is a man after God’s own heart. Whatever that looks like in terms of hobbies, goals or activites, that’s what I want to do. I don’t have a wife or kids yet but if 10 years from now God tells me to drop the lawyer hat and pick up the stay at home husband/dad one, I want to say, “Yes Lord.” I don’t want to stop and think “Will this make me less of a man in someone else’s eyes?”