I’ve had the privilege of going shopping with my niece and my sister. While shopping for me is a mundane experience, for my sister it is a whole situation whenever she does it with my niece. Because, like every other toddler, my niece wants anything and everything in the store. I’m talking about the toys, the lollies, the snacks, sometimes even random things like toothpaste and flour. In her mind, everything that catches her attention is worth having. Oh the chaos that ensues whenever her mum (my sister) tells her no. The tears start flowing, the hands go up in the air, the feet are stomped aggressively. In her toddler mind, her mum is withholding good things from her. However, she cannot comprehend that my sister is actually saying No for her protection and her safety (and to be honest, to save money😊). My sister knows that an overload of sugar is bad for her, that certain toys are not suitable for her age, that some of the things she asks for are unnecessary.

You can imagine the shock I had when the Lord highlighted to me how I am not so different from my niece. Because sometimes I ask for things from the Lord and I want them at the time I want them, packaged in the way that I want and without any effort/obedience on my part. Oh the tantrums that I throw when I don’t get these things. While I don’t lie down in the middle of a supermarket aisle, my tantrums have often looked like not reading the Bible and praying as much as I should, comprising and falling back into sin, not obeying God urgently, trying to get the things for myself without consulting God and many others. I am convinced I am not the only because I found a very similar relatable story in the Bible.

Check this out,

In John 11, we are introduced to the story of three siblings, Lazarus, Mary and Martha. Lazarus fell sick and like good siblings, his sisters sent word to Jesus to come and heal Him. The reason they sought for Jesus’ help is because they knew what He could do. At this point, Jesus has already healed people before so it’s not an impossible request that they are making. Moreover, they remind Jesus that it’s not just any regular person that is sick, it is the one that Jesus loves (John 11:3). They are leveraging on Jesus’ ability and their relationship with Him. It is a no-brainer that their brother will be made well.

Imagine if this was a movie and the scene now changes to Jesus. He hears that His friend is sick and decides to stay where He was for two more days. Wait! Pause! Run it back. This is not how the script should go. If I was the script writer, maybe the story would have said, ‘Jesus heard that His friend was sick and He dropped everything to go and heal him.’ But we serve a God whose ways are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:9). Jesus knows that Him delaying His journey to Lazarus’ house is for God’s glory (John 11:4) and even if Lazarus is dead, He would be woken up again (John 11:13-14). Mary and Martha see healing, Jesus sees resurrection.

Jesus finally shows up in the scene and Martha rushes to Him and the first thing she says is “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” (John 11:21-22). In other words, I wish you would have done something before but even now I know you can still do something. Mary on the other hand, stayed at home and doesn’t come to meet Jesus until her sister urges her to (John 11: 20, 28). She falls at the feet of Jesus and says “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” (John 11: 32). Jesus does not ignore her emotions but instead empathizes with her and joins her in mourning Lazarus (John 11:35). Jesus then moves to do what He had always intended to do – raise Lazarus from the dead (John 11:43). Martha and Mary had the faith to believe that their brother would be healed but at this moment, I can only imagine that their belief in God was exceeded when they saw what Jesus did and how it gave God glory for Lazarus to be raised up (John 11:40).

What fascinated me is that we encounter Mary again in John 12. Jesus had yet again visited Bethany where Mary, Martha and Lazarus lived. Mary took about a pint of expensive perfume and anointed Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair (John 12:3). Mary who had previously approached Jesus with a broken heart, wondering why Jesus didn’t answer her prayer how she had hoped for is now sitting at the feet of Jesus honouring Him with expensive perfume and using her hair to dry Jesus’ feet.

Mary’s change in heart posture is what I believe God calls us to emulate when He doesn’t answer our prayers how we would have preferred. By all means, we should pour out our real and raw emotions before God. I like how Dr. Tony Evans puts it, that we can ask God questions without questioning Him. Questioning Him is questioning His character. Something like, “Hey God, I demand that You explain to me why You did what You did.” However, asking God questions is saying “Lord, I know that your ways are higher than mine (Isaiah 55:9) so I am asking these questions so that I can understand your ways and know you better.”

Hebrews 4:15 tells us that Jesus is able to empathize with our weaknesses. Jesus would later show us what it truly looks like to pour our real and raw emotions to God, to make our requests known to Him and to accept God’s will even when it doesn’t align with ours. In Matthew 26, we get a pre-show of Jesus’ cruxificion. We see him in the Garden of Gethsemane where He went to pray. This is the greatest show in the Bible of Jesus experiencing painful emotions. The first step to a gruesome death that Jesus would have to go through for our redemption and reconciliation to God. Jesus is in anguish, deeply sorrowful, troubled and overwhelmed. He knows that He has to go through with being crucified but in His mind, the impending processes seemed unbearable.

So Jesus petitions His Father to take away the cup from Him. The cup here represented the wrath and judgement of God. Although Jesus didn’t commit any sins, He took our sins upon himself and would be pierced, crushed and punished for our sake (Isaiah 53:4-5). 3 times Jesus asks God whether it is possible for the cup to be taken away but then each time He takes a posture of surrender – Yet not my will but yours be done. What Jesus was saying here was that ‘Father, this situation I am in is very overwhelming and I am asking You if it’s possible for the situation to be different. However, even if this situation is not different, I will remain submitted to Your will.’

I must admit that it often takes me a long time to get to the point where I say ‘Not my will but Yours be done.’ It is usually after I have cried, thrown tantrums, tried to flee the situation, blamed and rebuked the devil thinking it’s him who has put in the situation and many other human-led responses. But I am slowly learning that surrendering to God’s will doesn’t mean ignoring our emotions. It is to actually acknowledge them and present them to God while not losing sight of His sovereignty. That yes, God has allowed this situation and it is haaaard. Yes I would prefer if the answer from God was different. But, I acknowledge that He knows better than I do. I don’t know everything but I know the one who knows everything, and that’s everything. So many times I have gotten through a tough season and it was not until then that I understood what God was doing and why His answer was different than what I expected.

In our salvation journey, we will undoubtedly get to hear one time or another, God’s 3 responses to our prayers – Yes, No and Not Yet. These are like traffic lights in our journey of faith:

The green light of Yes – when God says we can go. Proceed with speed. Accelerate. You are on your way to your destination and it’s not time to stop or slow down. GO! GO! GO!

The yellow light of Not yet – God requiring us to slow down – to prepare to stop. It’s not a forever halt, just a pause. We need this pause to relax, rest, reflect and sometimes even reposition. We may be tempted to rush so we can miss the red light but God says slow down. It might feel like this yellow light is stealing time away from you. You had intended to get to your destination (marriage, kids, career etc) by a certain time and now you have to slow down? Yes, even this slowing down period is God ordained.

The red light of No – Come to a complete STOP! Don’t make a move. Be patient. We need to stay focused on God during this time because the light is soon going to turn to green and we will pick up speed. But for this moment we just need to patiently wait. Oh the gruesome period of waiting. Will the light turn green in 3 days, 3 hours, 3 months, 3 years or 3 decades? Only God knows but His grace is sufficient to carry us through the red light seasons of our lives.

If you are a driver then you know how important traffic lights are. Skipping a yellow or red light or stopping at a green light could result in a fine or even worse, an accident. Imagine how much more detrimental it would be for us if we ignore these lights in our lives. There are people, purposes, ideas, assignments, callings, books, podcasts connected to our ability to surrender to God’s responses to our requests, even if these responses are not what we wanted.

As you read this post, I pray that you don’t take it as me saying that you shouldn’t mourn when God answers your prayers opposite to your expectations. My hope is that you are encouraged to bring your emotions of disappointment and frustration to God and that He will exchange them for His peace, grace and comfort. I pray that we would experience Jesus’ posture – I’m sad but I’ll stay surrendered.

Cheering you on,

Victor