So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

I have been single for a couple of years now and let me just be honest, sometimes it feels lonely. Who doesn’t like waking up to a random Good morning text, to talk for hours on end with that special someone, to hold hands in public as you take random walks or even have someone steal your hoodies😂. (Now you know how much of a hopeless romantic I am😍)

The singleness season for me has been a cocktail of feelings – Sometimes I am really content with being single and thrive in being by myself, then other days I long to have someone to share life with – a soul mate if you may. Even with the loneliness that I experience, I am reminded of this one thing – I am not alone.

Hear me out,

Everyone in life has a season of singleness. Just Think about it – whether you are dating, married, divorced or even widowed, there was one time in your life that you were single. Most times our lack of contentment stems from looking at others whose singleness season has come to an end, and comparing that with ourselves who are still in the season.

When I think of being single, I am reminded of Adam in the Garden of Eden. In Genesis 2:18, The Lord God said,

"It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

 In the first chapter of the Bible, we see that everything God has created is good. This verse is the first time we hear the Lord say that something is not good. God saw everything that He had created and in all the creation, nothing sufficed to be suitable as a helper to Adam. But before He gave Adam this helper, He had to take him through a process to prepare him. As I read this chapter, I have come to understand why the process was necessary for Adam and I now appreciate the process that God is doing in me. Check this out:

God made the animals and brought them to the man to see what he would name them. (verse 19) – Before God brought a helper, He had to give Adam his purpose first. Think about it, If God brought Eve to Adam without revealing His purpose first, what would Eve be helping Adam with? The word ‘helper’ would not have meaning. But before Eve, God had to made Adam aware of the reason why He was created and placed on the earth.  The manufacturer of an item is the only one who knows how the item is intended to function. Your purpose cannot be given to you by any human, it has to come from the creator.

I love how Pastor Touré Roberts explains purpose in his 5 keys to identifying your soulmate sermon. Imagine you do not know your purpose. Then you go into a relationship and after a few months, God reveals your purpose to you and maybe it conflicts with your significant other’s purpose. Now you have to choose between fulfilling your purpose and continuing with the relationship.

After God reveals your purpose, He will present to you someone who will help you fulfill your purpose and you will help them with theirs. Maybe even God will reveal to you two a purpose that is tied together. The question to you is: Are you willing to let God reveal the purpose before the person?  

The Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs (verse 21) – Just imagine if Adam was awake while God was taking out his rib. Maybe He would have told God to take the rib from the opposite side, or He would have asked God to take a bone instead. I mean who knows😂. It’s like how patients are given general anaesthesia to put then to sleep during surgery. I recently watched a video where the anaesthesia weared out before the particular surgery ended and the situation was chaotic😬😬

To me, the deep sleep represents rest and surrender to God. When Adam was put into a deep sleep, He had no control of what was happening. Everything was in the hands of God. I remember last year when God told me to be single. Not to go out for dates, not to join any dating apps, not to slide into DMs looking for love – Not to do anything but to stay single, be still and wait. My first response was, “How am I going to find my soulmate if I don’t go out looking for her?”

What God was saying was, “Victor, I know the person I have prepared for you. I know when you two will meet. I know how you two will meet. I want you to trust me to do it in my own way and at my own timing.” Instead of trying to move away from my lane of purpose and trying to enter into other people’s lanes trying to find out if they are the one (which can be very tiring) – I am willing to focus on my purpose and to wait on God to move in the way that only He can.

One statement that is giving me hope at this moment is one I heard from a certain lady on the Evolution of Love Panel who had gone through a divorce. God gave her these 7Ps to help her navigate the season:

“If you would just be PATIENT, and PASSIONATELY PURSUE my PURPOSE, then I will PREPARE you, then I will POSITION you and then I will PRESENT you.”

I have seen the perfect love stories that God has authored and I am willing to be patient and let him write mine too.

and then closed up the place with flesh(verse 21) – Now God has revealed Adam’s purpose to him and He is performing surgery to take a rib. But before He is done, He covers it to heal it. The singleness season for me, particularly this year, has involved God revealing habits and traits in me and removing them in this time of surgery. But God doesn’t leave me like that, all exposed and open. No. He covers all the areas with His love and heals them. I know the work is not finished but I am thankful to God that He is taking me through this process of making me whole.

Something that I have been learning is that You have to be whole before you get into a relationship. Your soulmate is supposed to complement you, not complete you. A relationship should be made up of two whole people. If one is broken and the other is whole, the broken one will always put pressure on the whole one to fill the void – A void that only God can fill. If both of them are broken then it becomes even worse.

Wholeness before relationship is underrated in our generation. If we would actually allow God to make us whole before we get into relationships, I believe we would have healthier and longer relationships. There is no better time for God to work through your brokenness, than in the time of singleness. Allow God to reveal and heal the brokenness and make you whole. – When He is done, I assure you that He will present you to your soulmate – If that is His will for you.

God has really strengthened me in the wait. Even in the times that I feel lonely, I am reminded that I am not alone. He is always with me. He has promised in  Hebrews 13:5 that He will never leave me nor forsake me. I know my Father and I know He doesn’t lie and He doesn’t change. I choose to believe that this promise He has given is true and applies to me at all times.

I might be lonely, but I will never be alone.

God Bless You.