Happy New Year. How are you doing? Hope your 2020 is going great. I thank God for this far He has brought us – He is Ebenezer.

Happy Valentines😍. I am also hoping that you are enjoying this Day of Love – regardless of your relationship status. For me, it is even better than it has been for a long time – and I am going to tell you why.

It was in the year 2017, that I went through my first and only breakup. (Yes, today we are going deep😂). Worse still, it was the result of a situationship. Heartbreaks from situationships hit different y’all. Mainly because you two were not really dating but you were also kinda dating but never made it official. Now you don’t even know if it’s valid to be hurt or not. It’s a really tough place to be.

Moving on to 2018, I went on a few dates, hit on a few girls, slid into DMs but did not end up dating anyone. By 2019, I was done trying to date around. I remember in January I wrote down my resolutions and one of them was, “2019 will be the year I meet my girlfriend who will later become my wife.” In the middle of the year however, I felt so strongly God telling me to pursue singleness. At first, I said no. I mean, “How is that even possible? This is the year that I have decided to find The One and then God wants me to be single? No, Can never be me.”

There is a quote that says, ‘Humans plan, God laughs.’ Looking back, I thank God that I obeyed Him because the experience has been life-changing. Also, I’m so glad that God’s plans are not mine, and are greater than mine (Proverbs 16:1).

Let’s dive in,

Intentional singleness is where you decide to stay away from relationship/dating for a period of time(by choice not because of mere circumstances) for spiritual or personal reasons. Simply put, it is being Single and not searching.

Any process that involves waiting is never easy. In this age especially, where everyone is either dating or married, the pressure to be in a relationship is real. When it got to December 2019, I was done. In my mind, I thought that I just had to wait for a few months then I would find the one God has kept for me. I grew impatient, I was ready to quit. I thought of even doing it my own way because I felt like God was taking too long – Just like Abraham in Genesis 16.

In 2020, God has shown me a completely new perspective about pursuing singleness. It is not setting a deadline for God of when the process should end but it is trusting God to make everything beautiful in His time. If God decides it will take 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, You will still submit to His will. Even if He decides that you will be forever single and use your life for His glory, You answer, “Yes Lord, I will submit.” It will not be easy going through the whole process but we serve a Gracious Loving God right? And He will definitely give you the desire and power to do what pleases Him (Phillipians 2:13)

I recently started reading a book called ‘The Wait by Devon Franklin and Meagan Good.‘ Although it mainly centres on waiting till marriage to have sex, it also talks about waiting before finding your soul mate. It gives a clear distinction between instant gratification(trying to date around with the hope that you will find the one) and delayed gratification (taking some time to better yourself before finding the one.)

I’m only a few months into this singleness journey and I have learnt a lot that I would love to share:

A better relationship with God – Being in this singleness season has really helped me cultivate my relationship with my Father. I have gained more clarity about the vision and purpose that God has for my life and even been able to be open and vulnerable with Him. I have dedicated more time (that would otherwise be wasted somewhere else) towards pursuing a deep intimacy with God. Getting to know who God has created and called me to be has made me realize that God is the only one who can validate me – Not my family or my friends. This relationship with God I could never substitute with anything else in the world.

Learning and unlearning – It was not until I started pursuing singleness that God showed me what had been going wrong in my past relationship attempts. I had commitment issues. Yes I wanted the boyfriend/girlfriend title but never wanted to make it official or better still, put in the work that comes with being in a relationship. This was what led to the situationship in 2017 and also all the failed attempts in 2018. Now that I know better, I will definitely do better in my next relationship – All to the Glory of God.

Working on myself –Self discovery is best done when you are single. Before you get to know someone else, it is extremely important to know yourself first. I am discovering and working on the negative habits and addictions that I harboured over the years, that I had always told myself, ‘That’s just who I am.’ Not everything negative though, I am also discovering a lot of positive traits and talents that I didn’t know I had and even hobbies that I enjoy. My self-esteem and mental health have improved tremendously. I have also been able to focus more on my school and job.

My advice to you: Try it out. Start your own singleness journey. Before you start though, Talk to God about it and ask Him to lead and guide you through it – To glorify Himself through this season.

If you are in this season, Congrats!! I am sure you are doing great. Don’t give in to temptation, stay true to the course. Most importantly, don’t rush God, let Him work according to His will, His way and His Timing. I am praying for you.

“It was important that I stayed steadfast and wait for His timing. Cause a lot of times, we hear from God and we’re like, “Okay, that’s His will. And a lot of times, I think we forget that there’s His way that accompanies His will.”

David Mendrygal.

One thing the Lord reminded me through a video I watched about singleness (You can check it out here), is to put down the Pen and let Him write my story. I choose to trust Him because without a doubt, I know He writes the best love stories.

Love and Light,

Victor George